TO CUT DOWN ON YOUR CRYING WRIGGLER NONSENSE IN MY EXTREMELY IMPORTANT MEMOS, YOU CAN NOW SUBMIT YOUR MEWLING CRIES FOR MY ADVICE HERE. QUADRANT QUESTIONS ONLY TAKEN ON FRIDAYS THROUGH SUNDAYS. ERIDAN.
jawn-eeegburt asked: dear kankri i love you very much
Dear An9nym9us,
While I understand the sentiment 9f ‘l9ve’, the term is utterly h9m9-sapien centric and thus a 6it 9ffensive.*
Tr9lls d9 n9t have the c9ncept 9f ‘l9ve’. 9ur red quadrant has a primary em9ti9n 9f ‘pity’, and when it is fully realized I 6elieve it is expressed 6y the desire t9 care f9r an9ther tr9ll in every respect. The great p9et Tr9ll T.S. Eli9t said 9f pity:
P9litic, cauti9us, and meticul9us;
Full 9f high sentence, 6ut a 6it 96tuse;
At times, indeed, alm9st ridicul9us—
Alm9st, at times, the F99l.
This is a p9werful phrase, th9ugh the w9rd ‘f99l’ is a rather pr96lematic 9ne, sh9wing an 9utdated a6list sentiment. Regardless, it clearly expresses h9w pity causes 9ne t9 fav9r y9ur cared-f9r tr9ll’s well6eing a69ve all 9thers. This is a c9mm9n pr96lem am9ngst all the quadrants, and why I have sw9rn myself t9 celi6acy.
That said, I appreciate what y9u are trying t9 say in y9ur 9wn, questi9na6le way. N9netheless, since I am f9r6idden fr9m any quadrant ‘shenanigans’, I must say that I fav9r y9u a69ve n9 9ther askers in this 69x 9r indeed 9ver any 9ther 6eing, and am a 6it tr9u6led that y9u w9uld tell me this. Y9u might want t9 c9nsider that telling s9me9ne wh9 cann9t return y9ur sentiments 6ecause 9f a v9w that y9u l9ve them is rather unpleasant.
In the future, if y9u sh9uld express y9ur interest in an9ther tr9ll, y9u sh9uld use the appr9priate quadrant phrase, such as: “I pity y9u”, 9r “I hate y9u” (I find the term ‘hate’ distasteful - ‘str9ngly dislike’, perhaps? I d9n’t kn9w if that’s str9ng en9ugh f9r 6lack feelings, having never experienced them myself).
*I understand that in y9ur parlance, the Signless Sufferer was ‘in l9ve’ with the Disciple. H9wever, it is safe t9 say he was als9 a pervert 9f the w9rst kind. N9t that there is anything wr9ng with that kind 9f perversi9n if the feelings were returned 6y the Disciple, I supp9se.
Anonymous asked: Kankri, where the eff is Karkat?? I didn’t sign up for this >:y
Dear An9nym9us,
I am disapp9inted in y9u f9r y9ur use 9f the phrase ‘eff’. While I applaud y9ur eff9rt t9 cens9r y9ur triggering use 9f a crude w9rd f9r sexual interc9urse, the entire phrase ‘the eff’ c9uld 6e rem9ved fr9m the sentence and it w9uld still make sense, rendering it harmless. Please 6e mindful 9f h9w triggering I find any references t9 such crude language and its suggesti9n 9f anti-celi6acy.
Regarding y9ur questi9n, while I cann9t 6e entirely certain 9f my disciple’s l9cati9n, it seems quite likely he is n9w nearing the end 9f his 1.39-sweep l9ng j9urney t9 the new sessi9n and is preparing t9 disem6ark the mete9r up9n which he has 6een travelling.
If y9u have ‘signed up’ f9r Dear Karkat, then I understand y9u are interested in receiving 9r listening t9 life 9r p9ssi6ly r9mantic advice fr9m my dancest9r. Please 6e assured that I will d9 as g99d a j96 as, if n9t 6etter, than Karkat, in which y9u will find that all 9ffensive slurs have 6een entirely rem9ved fr9m the equati9n. I d9u6t y9u will 6e dissatisfied - n9t t9 imply that Karkat did n9t d9 a fairly adequate j96! H9wever, his expertise in handling pr96lematic issues is n9t likely t9 6e equal t9 mine, having had milli9ns 9f sweeps t9 educate myself th9r9ughly 9n all related t9pics.
Dearest Disciples Students,
It has c9me t9 my attenti9n that my erstwhile f9ll9wer - that is, dancest9r - has neglected this 6l9g f9r an unsettlingly l9ng time. Since I find myself neglected 6y the auth9r 9f 9ur tale and ‘put 9ut t9 sea’ as 9ne 9f my marginally less triggering teammates w9uld say, I have decided I will make the 6est p9ssi6le use 9f my infinite time and will man the ship fr9m this p9int 9nwards.
I feel that it is even m9re imperative that I take 9n this r9le as, having scr9lled 6ack thr9ugh previ9us entries, it is painfully clear that Karkat was yet t9 experience my erudite educati9n 9n the su6jects 9f privilege, triggers, and -isms. This 6l9g is riddled with slurs, epithets, and assumpti9ns that have simply left me aghast. Please 6e assured that y9u will n9 l9nger find th9se things here.
I will d9 my very 6est t9 warn f9r any p9ssi6le triggers in any su6ject material that might 6e discussed.
Thank y9u, and I l99k f9rward t9 y9ur questi9ns.
Anonymous asked: Dear Karkat, I don’t think my moirail is pale for me anymore. We’ve been together for a long time, but lately he’s been lying to me constantly […] I’m sick of it, but I’m still pale for him no matter how terrible he is. He doesn’t know me. What should I do?
I DON’T CARE HOW PALE YOU ARE FOR THIS DOUCHELORD. I’VE CUT SOME OF THE CRAP HE’S PULLING ON YOU OUT OF YOUR QUESTION TO PROTECT DELICATE HUMAN SENSIBILITIES, BUT GET THE FUCK OUT. HE’S BEHAVING LIKE AN INCREDIBLY SLIMY KISMESIS AND HE’S NOT EVEN DOING *THAT* RIGHT.
LOOK, MY MOIRAIL IS NO PRIZE EITHER. IN A CONTEST FOR WORST MOIRAIL EVER, GAMZEE PLACES FIRST, SECOND, THIRD, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTH, AND ALSO WINS THE IMPERIAL TROLL AWARD FOR MOST ABSENT TROLL NOT ACTUALLY DEAD FROM FETID WOUNDING. BUT AT LEAST ALL HIS SHIT IS OUT IN THE OPEN, STINKING UP THE AIR, AND HE’D NEVER LIE TO ME.
WHEN YOUR MOIRAIL IS SHITTING ON YOU SO HARD YOU WONDER IF YOU’RE HIS NEW LOAD GAPER, SPECIALLY MADE FOR EXTREME CASES OF CONSTIPATION, IT’S TIME TO LEAVE HIM BEHIND OR MAKE YOURSELF BUGFUCK NUTS. GETTING OVER IT KIND OF SUCKS, SO GO CRY ON TROLLIAN FOR A WHILE, WATCH A GOOD MOVIE, AND EAT A CHOCOLATE CONFECTIONERY IN A CUP.
NOT EVERYTHING IS SERENDIPITY. BY THE RULES OF EVERY GOOD ROMCOM, YOU’LL FIND THE MOIRAIL MEANT FOR YOU EVENTUALLY.
JEGUS FUCK WHO COMES UP WITH THIS KIND OF CRAZY HOOFBEASTSHIT
OKAY THAT’S IT. ENOUGH.
JUST FUCKING STOP
MY INBOX HAS BEEN RENDERED INTO AN OCEAN-SIZED POOL OF YOUR WEIRD HUMAN CLEAR SALINE TEARS CRYING FOR MY HELP. I AM TURNING OFF THE FAUCET. PUT YOUR TRAGEDY ON HOLD FOR FIVE SECONDS BEFORE THE TUB OVERFLOWS AND LEAVES A WATERLINE ON THE HIVE WALLS AND A WATERFALL DOWN THE STAIRS. DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT!?
I’LL OPEN THE BOX UP AGAIN WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE.
LIVESTREAM IS OVER, ASSHOLES.
GAMZEE’S WRIGGLING DAY BROWNIES AREN’T SO BAD.
LOOK I KNOW I GIVE YOU ALL A LOT OF SHIT BUT
YOUR PLANET …
IT ISN’T SO BAD I GUESS.
SOLLUX, DID YOU STEAL MY HANDS? YOU ASSHOLE!
GlAd YoU lIKeD tHeM, bEsT bRo. ;o)
THEY KILLED SOLLUX.
AGAIN.
THEY’RE MOTHERFUCKING MIRACULOUS.
LIVESTREAM IS OVER, ASSHOLES.
GAMZEE’S WRIGGLING DAY BROWNIES AREN’T SO BAD.
LOOK I KNOW I GIVE YOU ALL A LOT OF SHIT BUT
YOUR PLANET …
IT ISN’T SO BAD I GUESS.
SOLLUX, DID YOU STEAL MY HANDS? YOU ASSHOLE!
